Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Girls should come with a carfax report
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
