I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
