ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize