with your own penis?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize