my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
