Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
