You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
