dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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