Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
