High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
