there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
