living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
