I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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