You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
