YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
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I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
