new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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