Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
