Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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