hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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