The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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