Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
