there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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