While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
