His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
