Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
