all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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