i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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