so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
