Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
