sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
