The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize