I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
this just has baby written all over it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
