no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize