The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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