to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
