like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
