If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
