I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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