...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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