"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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