The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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