the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
