watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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