community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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