I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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