she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
