Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
