I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
