Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
