Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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