i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
