i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
