my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
