At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
