Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I haven't been this sober since birth.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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