there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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