My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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