i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
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