Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
