best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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