$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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