I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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