she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
