I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
