I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
