White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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