dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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