i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
