so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Randomize
