He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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