In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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