did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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