i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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