is your mom at the bar?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
