When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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