the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
