also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Randomize
