you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
