New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
